my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
