I have demons in me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
