Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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