I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
