Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize