i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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