Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
