Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
