I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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