i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize