I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
