I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
