Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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