I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
