that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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