Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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