I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
