I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
