whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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