I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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