He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize