Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
