I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
