he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
