We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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