I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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