I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
