It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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