it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
