It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize