i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
