Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
