Quick, to the slutcave!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Someone came in the potted fern
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
