he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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