Can i not drive my cunt home
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm both gender and math confused
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize