Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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