That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
