well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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