my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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