Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
