Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
