If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
