I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
