twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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