allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
