Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Even my vagina gasped.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My breasts were aching with rage.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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