I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
