I'm gonna have a badass scar
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
