Church boner. Awkwardddd
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
