Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
