Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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