is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
