Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize