Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
