My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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