weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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