Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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