been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
