hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sext me about skeletons
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
