Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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