So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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