i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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