my mouth tastes like poor choices
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
