i think i recognize dicks better than faces
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
