yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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