Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
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