Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
