some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
