is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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