People with herpes should wear stickers.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
