you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize