Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
