no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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