All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
