Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
