Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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