only you would photoshop your dick
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize