I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
