Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
