I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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