can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
