quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize