What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
