He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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