I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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