Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
