Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
