He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is wine microwaveable?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
