the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
