Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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