It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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