Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
