You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
