I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
