Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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