and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
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