Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
