the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
