the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
