turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just gargled with NyQuil
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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