So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
