piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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