Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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