So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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