marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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