Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
