Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
