at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
