have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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