Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
