One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
