Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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