Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
