Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
