life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
