if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
